When asked to take on new tasks, participate in projects, collaborate on special initiatives, or to join certain meetings, do you say “yes” automatically?
Do you say “yes” because, after all, you’re a highly capable and willing person, and you can’t think of any reason why you shouldn’t, couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to fulfill the new request?
You probably can’t think of a reason why you’d say “no.”
You may not even consider it.
But you should.
When you DON’T question a new request or consider the ramifications of saying “yes,” it can lead to being over-committed, overstretched and overwhelmed.
And that’s not all.
Beyond how you FEEL, you’ll fall behind on all of the other work you’re responsible for: tasks, projects, promises and deadlines.
Further, your over-commitment causes an automatic inability to get things done fast enough, but co-workers may be waiting for your work to be completed so they can take their next step. Now you’re holding them up, as well as the project they’re working on.
And to add one more hit, you may not be viewed as the “go-to” person anymore for getting things done if you’re not following through or meeting deadlines for all the things you said ‘yes’ to.
Why Saying “Yes” is Easier Than Saying “No”
As a result of your experience, education, position, and achievements you’re going to be asked often to participate, contribute, and help others in addition to doing your own work.
Yes, you’re capable.
Yes, the task is easy for you.
Yes, it’s right up your alley.
Yes, you can be there.
Yes, you’d love to do it, whatever it is.
And who DOESN’T want to be helpful sharing their expertise, teaching others, and being helpful to get things completed?
Who DOESN’T want to be a good role model and build relationships?
Who DOESN’T love to be in demand, needed on the job, or a major contributor?
More than likely, when you say “yes” to a request without thinking first, it’s because you KNOW you can do what’s being requested. It’s possible. You’re happy to help. And that makes you feel good.
Saying yes can be a hard habit to break. If you find it difficult, you’re not alone at all.
But answering “yes” automatically—“because you can”—and doing that too often can lead to anxiety as your commitments rise and start to back up, and your time falls short as it starts to disappear.
“Most people have a hard time turning down requests,” says social psychologist Susan Newman, PhD, author of the 2005 book The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It — and Mean It — And Stop People-Pleasing Forever. “They simply can’t say no to people and just pile more and more responsibility on themselves,” she says.
Saying no gets easier, though, when the pile of responsibilities topples over and BURIES you. Then it becomes almost IMPOSSIBLE to get everything else done that you’ve committed to.
And yet… some people still find it hard to say no, living with the idea of letting someone down or giving the appearance of not being able to do something they know they can do.
In addition, there are many other factors that contribute to the tendency to say “yes” more than “no.”
- “Yes” is more positive and open, while a “no” is more negative and closed.
- “Yes” can result from social pressures and childhood lessons that teach us to be helpful.
- Saying “no” may seem self-centered or selfish.
- “Yes” can make us feel empowered, proficient and adept.
- “No” may make us appear lazy, incapable or incompetent.
But Newman says, “You’re not going to be able to do your best work if you’re so scattered because you’ve agreed to everything.”
Your stress will rise, which can diminish your efficiency and effectiveness, as well as your health and happiness, and this cause your productivity to plummet and your
And if you’re promising yeses without delivering on them, you’ll quickly lose the trust and appreciation you may have once had from those who counted on you.
Stop and Think Before Saying “Yes”
When your plate is full and you have all the work you can possibly do at the moment and in the foreseeable future, the question is not one of CAN you say “yes” to something new, but SHOULD you?
Professionals are moving SO quickly in their workday, they often believe there is NO time to stop and think about anything. This includes whether or not they should do a task for someone else, attend a meeting, collaborate on a project, or commit time to anything outside of their normal job duties.
As a result of not considering alternatives—and ALREADY believing the benefits far outweigh the costs—a lot of yeses are given and promises made without even thinking about it.
It’s not that you should say “no” out of hand or all the time, but instead of saying “yes” so quickly or so often, it’s best to stop and consider 2 main points. These are ESSENTIAL for you to be able to make smart decisions about how to USE and COMMIT your time.
- The Time and Energy You Must Commit After Saying ‘Yes’
Can you accomplish what’s requested when TIME is considered?
Look at your calendar first. How busy is your calendar?
Do you have the energy to take on ONE more task or project?
Ask the requester what their time expectations are. Is there a deadline?
Is this a task or a project that is divided into parts?
If so, does one part need to be finished by a certain time?
You must have an easy-to-see, clear view of your calendar—with ALL current time commitments for the exact or approximate duration—so you can understand, at a glance, your current TIME commitments.
- Current Task and Projects
What else are you committed to right now?
What are all of your current tasks and responsibilities?
How many big projects are you working on?
What are your current deadlines?
Are you collaborating with others on other current projects?
Are others waiting for any tasks to be completed so they can do their job and take their next steps?
Are there promises you’ve made to others outside of your organization, such as partners, vendors, customers, clients, prospects or friends?
You must have an easy-to-see, clear view of everything you’re responsible for and what you need to finish in the next couple of days, weeks and months ahead so you can get an idea of what you’re committed to right now.
Unfortunately, you might not think about either one of these points consciously or purposefully when asked to take on something new.
You may not remember where your time is going. You may not have a handle on all of your tasks and responsibilities. And if both of these are true, 2 things will happen as a result…
- You say “yes,” but as time passes and your work backs up, you may not remember to tell the requester what’s happening, but they DO need to know, because you said ‘yes’ to something they asked for.
- As time passes, something you need to be working on is silently missed, lost or forgotten, simply by default. It fell off your radar and you didn’t even know it. And now NOBODY knows what’s happening.
But at some point, someone remembers. It could be you or it could be the requester and then you’re both in agreement that you are behind.
Then reactivity sets in. You slide into crisis mode to handle what you were working on PLUS the thing that was forgotten.
And now it seems like you’ll NEVER catch up. You notice how busy you are, but getting little done. Plus, if you’re rushed in doing your work, are you able to give it your FULL attention and deliver great quality?
Doling out the yeses without THINKING first is actually careless… almost reckless.
The tragic contradiction, however, is that you WANTED to be helpful, but you may end up NOT being helpful when you’re not able to honor the commitments and promises you’ve made… when you’re not able to follow through and deliver on time.
7 Points to Remember When Considering Requests on Your Time
When faced with a new request, the goal is to say “yes” when it makes sense, which means you’re fully aware of your current task and time commitments, and you believe you will absolutely be able to deliver on time and on target, create quality outcomes, and/or participate in any ongoing commitments with confidence that you can be fully present.
In this scenario, when the commitment is over, you feel GREAT about a job well done. You were the knight in shining armor. You were helpful. You shared your expertise or you may have taught something to others. You were a good role model, you built new relationships and you were a positive contributor. You helped to make progress for your team, department or company, and it was a total success!
Now let’s flip the coin.
If you DON’T believe you would be able to achieve the goal and the scenario above would NOT unfold, then it doesn’t make sense to say “yes.”
But if you STILL want to say “yes,” but at the same time you DO want to avoid over-commitment and overwhelm more often—as well as avoid over-promising and under-delivering—keep in mind these 7 points when faced with a new request so you can take a more realistic approach to managing your work, your time and your commitments to others.
- Let Go of Your Need to “Do it All”
You don’t have an “S” on your chest for “Superman” or “Super Woman,” so avoid trying to be the Super Hero who tries to get it ALL done. You can’t. You have to pick and choose the daily priorities and the few important tasks that must be accomplished each day.
Taking on too much when it’s not realistic is counter-productive. Same goes for going overboard on people-pleasing, being a door-mat, or playing the martyr. None of these will uplift you, fulfill you, or make you happy or productive in the long run.
Time is limited and so is your energy, so be realistic in what you can really achieve—and do WELL! It’s better to feel FABULOUS about getting a top priority accomplished, or a major project finished, or a few of your MOST important tasks completed on time and with excellent quality than trying to do too much.
When you take on too much, you’ll produce outcomes are less than optimal, you may disappoint others, and you’ll gain a reputation for over-extending yourself and then dropping the ball.
- Understand that “No” is Not a Bad Word
Saying no (or some softer version of it) is not a bad choice and can be a good decision. It actually shows you take personal responsibility for your actions and commitments.
It shows you take your time seriously and your promises, too. Deciding yes or no reflects what you value, what you stand for, and what you believe in, while giving respect to others.
- Remember Your Values and Goals
Much of the work you do may be a reaction to the requests of others (outside of the boss you might have) and the things that matter to THEM, but don’t lose sight of YOUR projects and goals.
Identify and rank your values and goals to more easily see where you should spend your time. What are you spending time on these days? Should you be spending time on those things? If something doesn’t connect with one of your values or goals, it’s time to question why it’s getting any of your time.
Keep priority work in mind and stay proactive with it. Instead of watering yourself down, preserve yourself so you can do your BEST to meet your targets on the things that matter the most to you.
If you don’t decide what to do with your time, others will decide for you.
- Negotiate Your Time
A flat-out “no” can be harsh, but you don’t have to say “no” like that. Alternatives do exist, such as, “No, thank you” or “Not right now.” You have other choices, too, such as “Maybe. Can I get more details and then decide?” Or you can say, “Yes, but maybe later,” if that’s an option and only if you mean it.
See if timing can be negotiated. Too often, everyone assumes a task must be done NOW, but when you ask, you may find out you have four weeks to compete a task. Or perhaps the commitment isn’t slated until a future month. Or a project won’t start for a couple of weeks, and the requester just wants to know if you can participate when the time comes.
Ask more questions and get to the bottom of the request and then negotiate your time where it makes sense.
- Set Good Boundaries
Isn’t it true that when you’re feeling stretched in a hundred different directions, you can start to feel unhappy, unhealthy, sad or resentful?
Saying “no” establishes boundaries—healthy ones—that allow you to focus on your goals and what you care about. According to Judith Sills, Ph.D., media psychologist, and workplace consultant, “Where negativity is an ongoing attitude, No is a moment of clear choice.”
Setting healthy boundaries will give you structure in your life and work, which will help you channel your time and energy. When you establish boundaries and protect your time, you can be more efficient and effective in getting things done, and reaching your goals and targets.
Saying “no” is a choice of self-management—careful, considerate and responsible.
- Become an “Essentialist”
In his book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown explains, “Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it’s about how to get the right things done. It doesn’t mean just doing less for the sake of less either. It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.”
You’ll be more effective when you focus more carefully on your biggest priority each day—the essential—and bypass the non-essentials.
Instead of trying to move twenty things forward an inch, move one thing forward a mile.
- Remember it’s “Give and Take”
Even when it’s clear you can’t or shouldn’t take on any more work, but you STILL want to say “yes”—you just can’t say “no!”—you MUST decide what ELSE is going to be stopped or delayed as a result.
This is a matter of trade-offs… of give and take. Not everything can be accomplished. Something’s got to give. So what’s it going to be? And if you have to stop or delay a task or project, be sure to communicate with others who need to know.
In the future, when you’re asked to take on a new task or project, to collaborate, to join a meeting or to be on a committee or a board or anything else, consider your current time commitments, task commitments, and the costs/benefits of a “yes” and a “no.”
It might be one of the best investments of time you can make in your future productivity and success.
Be selective about who or what you commit to. You want to be able to say “yes” with confidence, so you create quality outcomes, deliver on time, participate in full, and instill confidence in yourself and others. If you cannot achieve all of that with faithful intention, it might be a good time to consider alternatives, negotiations, or a “No, not right now.”
